


A Window to the Soul

by Izzietheravenclaw83



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alternate Universe - College/University, Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, Coming Out, Diary/Journal, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, I had some inspiration from A Silent Voice, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood Ships Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Isabelle lightwood is an absolute blessing, Jace Wayland is a Herondale, M/M, Magnus Bane is a Little Shit, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Protective Magnus Bane, Romantic Fluff, Scopophobia, Some Mild Angst, Some texting, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Texting, The original concept art was what I used for my character designs, not a whole lot though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:53:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzietheravenclaw83/pseuds/Izzietheravenclaw83
Summary: Is wanting to get through your freshman year of college without; stress, annoying roommates, gay thoughts, and having to look anyone in the eyes as you fade into obscurity so much to ask?? Alec Lightwood doesn’t seem to think so. Unfortunately, his sister seems to be hoping for a somewhat more eventful first year. Mix that in with the fact that his oddly endearing roommate, Magnus Bane, has an uncanny ability for bringing out the worst part of him. Mainly a more heated and bold side that Alec himself doesn’t much care for, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.





	A Window to the Soul

_September 7 th, 20xx_

_Plenty of people are of the belief that the eyes are a window to the soul—meaning that there is quite a bit to be learned about one’s personality through the way that their eyes make expressions. Think of it like writing something in pen and then wanting to write something different after you’ve already written a few letters. Rather difficult without some form of assistance. That’s the way people show their emotions with their eyes. It takes a lot of training to be able to hide what kind of person you are through the way your eyes do_ things _, I suppose?_

_Come to think of it, this would possibly explain why I’m such a shit judge of character. You see, it’s rather difficult to read a person’s facial expressions when you’re too busy staring at that annoying spec of mud on the tip of their shoe. Or so I’ve learned. It’s quite the challenge to read a person’s entire personality and morals by the way they tie their shoelaces, or lack thereof._

_Life isn’t a_ CollegeHumor _article after all._

 _If I were to gauge where my inability to look people in the eyes came from, it was probably the fact that I was diagnosed with Scopophobia when I was in the ninth grade. A_ truly _unfortunate time for everyone, but especially poor for someone with a fear of being looked at._

 _The way I see it, I was never really “_ diagnosed _” because I mean, it’s not like I_ can’t _look someone in the eye, it’s rather that I choose not to. It’s my life so I have to have some control over what I’m scared of. This contradicts what my therapist thinks though, so I never really say it out loud. She says that it’s part of my past experience with bullying._

_Though if I’m to be completely honest—which I should considering this is a book that no one but myself should ever read. I’m almost certain that’s a rule with diaries; to be overprotective of them to the point of locking in a drawer or putting a padlock on them.—I would have to agree with my therapist on that. There’s only so many lockers to be pushed into before you genuinely start to fear teenagers._

_Two. The answer is two._

_The first time you’re pushed into a locker, you think “Ha guys, you got me good!” and the second time, you’re standing with your shoulders being crammed into an open locker with a horrified wide-eyed expression as you realize that this is your life now._

_Not that I wouldn’t have bullied the ninth grade version of myself. He_ was _a loser. You could probably blame that on the_ Harry Potter _franchise and my own blindness. Let’s just all agree that round glasses only work on Daniel Radcliffe and K-Pop idols—not some scrawny ninth grader with lenses thicker than your thumb._

 _I still don’t know_ why _my parents thought that wearing glasses like that wouldn’t get me borderline killed. They probably knew and thought it was funny. Admittedly, it is kind of funny. I suppose the alternative is me not being able to see, so I can understand their reasoning for the most part._

 _Writing diary entries everyday—or every_ week _if life gets too busy—was my therapist’s off hand idea, but Izzy seems to think that it’s a great idea for bringing me out of my shell. Which is rather upsetting because I quite like this “shell” of mine. That is mostly because it consists of large clothing and a PlayStation Plus membership._

_So now this is how I’m starting my freshman year of college. And honestly, there’s something undeniably weird about being a college student with a diary. Or a “journal” as other insecure college students-slash-adults call them. The way I see it, if you’re writing bits of your day to day life into a notebook and not letting anyone see it—it’s a diary. Get over it._

_I don’t see much of an appeal of writing diary entries, but if to be frank—despite the fact that I’m older than my sister, she scares me—there’s a reason Izzy is going to join the military in a few years while I’m only a theatre arts minor. I have a more stable thought process than my sister, but I’m pretty sure Izzy could break me in half with just one hand. That point alone is reason enough for me to comply with what she wants._

_It’s just a diary after all, how much damage can it do to my life really? Aside from someone finding it and all my humiliating thoughts about girls, parties, and how much I genuinely hate my textbooks and annoying roommates being leaked to the entire world. If that happens and my diary goes viral then I’ve already planned to change my name and become a sheep herder in Iceland. Izzy thinks that I overthink things, and maybe she’s right._

_I’m planning to try and not overthink my freshman year. I’ll go to a few parties and make some friends but for the most part I’m just going to lay low and just focus on my studies. It’s not going to be an eventful year, I know that much for certain. Believe me, I’m not hoping for an eventful year either. I just want to stay well rested and maybe join a club or team or…something. I don’t know._

_The first thing on the list to do is to find a way to fill this diary with anything so that Izzy doesn’t murder me when I come home for winter break. I know you’re reading over my shoulder Izzy, and I want you to know that that is mighty rude._

Alec Lightwood closes his dark brown leather bound book and lets out a heavy sigh. He glares at his sister over his shoulder. She looks rather disappointed that closed Alec closed the book before she could finish reading. “Well that was uncalled for.” She leans back against the back seat and crosses her arms against her chest.

Alec slides the notebook into his laptop bag that he has resting at his feet. “You’re the one who told me I had to write in a diary every day,” He slides the zipper across the top of his bag and gets comfortable in his seat once more. “One of the terms of owning a diary is that you keep your annoying siblings out of it.”

Izzy looks up at Alec and pouts her lip outwards in an exaggerated expression that doesn’t suit her. When he doesn’t cave, she frowns and shrugs. “Well, one of the rules of being an annoying sibling is that you have to try and read your equally annoying sibling’s diary.” She has a point there. That doesn’t change the fact that Alec has absolutely no intentions of letting her read his diary. It’s not that he has anything to hide, it’s just merely the principal of keeping his writing between himself and the 150 page notebook in his bag.

Their mother, Maryse Lightwood, lets out a small chuckle and looks into the rear-view mirror at Izzy and Max in the back seat. “It makes me happy to see that even though you’re heading to college, some things will never change.” She smiles sadly to herself and Alec can’t help but notice that she’s looking a little misty-eyed behind her long dark bangs that she’s using to hide her expression from Alec.

Alec clears his throat and looks away into the back seat at Max who is sleeping with his head resting against the two boxes in between him and Izzy. It puts Alec’s mind at ease to know that even when he and Izzy leave home for good, their mom will still have Max for a few more years.

The drive for the most part is quiet after that. Alec has his headphones in, listening to some playlists that were made by his friends back home. They titled them in increasingly strange titles from as simple as “Road tripping Music” to “My friend Alec is going to die of loneliness in September.” All the way to Alec’s personal favourite—“It’s four in the morning and my obese corgi fell asleep on my legs. I can’t move and Mario kart has lost its appeal. Send help.”—Which was edited together by Jace.

Alec has always been abnormally close with Jace. They’ve been friends and practically family since they were in kindergarten. The two have always had each other’s backs. When Jace was dumped the day before prom by his girlfriend at the time, Alec had stepped up to be his date. Jace won prom king and Alec almost lost consciousness when they shared a dance in front of their entire school.

Jace is one of the only people who can somehow manage to keep Alec grounded. That’s probably why Alec is so grateful that they’re going to be going to the same college as roommates. If everything were to suddenly go off course in Alec’s life, Jace would remain as a constant reminder that he has someone to get him through it. Izzy, Max, and his mom were all the same way, of course. But when you’re hundreds of miles away from home, it’s nice to know that you’ve still got someone that you trust like family to come home to.

Alicante University is located in the city of Idris, far from where Alec grew up in New York. It’s a small town with a very fifty’s aesthetic to it. A lot of the buildings are made with brick and almost every second store is a restaurant. So far, Alec has counted two theatres that are only showing movies from three years prior.

It’s oddly charming.

There’s no real food chain restaurants, only small diners with blue and white striped awnings out front. Small round tables are almost completely filled outside of every diner with students in their second year or later meeting up with friends. Alec stares out the window at them before slowly sliding down in his seat so that only the top of his head is shown. _I’m going to die._ He thinks as he peers out the window at the absurd amount of students staying at Alicante. “I just don’t understand why they had to choose this University.” Alec mumbles out, taking one headphone out of his ear.

“Who’s that, sweetie?” His mother asks, putting on her turn signal to navigate the streets leading to Alicante. The campus is impossible to miss. The main building is colossal and wide, about the size of four buildings put together. There’s a vast greenhouse connected to the science department of the building that in turn leads to the garden and pool. On the other side of the main hall is the campus church. It was rather alarming for Alec when he discovered there was a church on the campus, but apparently this is a common practice for colleges.

Dorms are behind the main building. There’s four “houses” as they’re known. They all surround the meal hall in the center of the dormitories.

It would take a miracle for Alec to not get lost here. “Everyone, Mum. Everyone.” He slumps down further in his seat and glares out the windshield at nothing in particular. “They’re all here.”  The sheer number of students attending the school was making Alec feel nauseous. He closes his eyes and tilts his head upwards.

Alec’s mother lets out a small laugh that hiccups with each breath. She runs one hand through his hair absently while watching the road as to not hit any students that are constantly crossing the streets. “Chin up, sweetie.” She ruffles his hair and retracts her hand back to the wheel. “Think of it this way, how many of them will you see on a normal day?”

Alec groans. “I’m seeing them _all_ right now.”

The car slows as they navigate through the road to the student parking. “You’re not seeing _anyone_ with your eyes closed like that.” It pains him to admit that his mother is right. He sighs and opens his eyes with a loud and annoyed groan.

The streets are lined with maple trees of every warm shade. Autumn in this part of the country is truly lovely. Despite himself, Alec can’t help but allow the soft smile on his face grow. Leaves fall slowly but in such bulk that his mother has to turn on her wipers to bat the foliage away like raindrops. The road is dark due to the sunlight only being able to break through the trees in the small gaps between the leaves. It gives the street an amber glow that makes Alec squint as he watches the leaves dance to the ground. It calms him down enough to take a deep breath for the first time in what feels like years.

Maybe this whole _college_ thing won’t be all bad after all.

“Which dorm is it again, Sweetie?” His mother brings him back to reality. She has her turn signal on and waits for an indication from Alec as to where she’s supposed to be.

Pointing a little ways into the distance, Alec indicates which building is his. “The Accords.” His mother gives him a quizzical look to which he shrugs in reply. “They’re all named like that. I think it’s because we’re closest to the library. There’s another one named _The Armory—_ closest to the gym.”

“I think it’s cute.” His mother smirks at him and slows the car close to the dorms. Each dorm has the name written somewhere on the building. They pass the Armory and see the large block letters written on the side in chalk with the words _Welcome to the Armory, Hunters!_ He smiles slightly to himself and squints in the distance.

Alec spots his dorm from a distance after observing the campus for a moment. It’s a vast building made of brick that Alec guesses can house close to a hundred people if every student has a roommate. It is four stories tall with wide windows designed to let in plenty of natural lighting. _The Accords_ is written across a brick arch atop the pillars surrounding the main door. “That one, Mum.” He leans forward and points where his mother should drive.

Slowing to a stop, Alec’s mother parks the car in a reserved spot for a moment. She turns to Alec. “Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you in?” She asks with a voice trembling from her emotions. She has somehow managed to not cry even once during this whole trip, but now she is starting to let herself get misty-eyed. “I don’t mind.”

Alec watches the students walking into The Accords with suitcases. Other students are lazing around in the grass or waiting for friends to arrive at the campus. Students began moving in three days ago at the earliest, but Alec figured it would be best for his family if he moved out as late as possible. Classes begin tomorrow, so this is the latest he could be without _actually_ being late. He swallows the lump in his throat and nods at his mother. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He clears his throat into a cough and smiles weakly for his mother’s benefit. “It would be a bit lame to have my mom walking the halls of my dorm.” He grabs his shoulder bag from the floor. “Jace would _never_ let me live it down.”

Maryse wipes her eyes and nods at Alec. “Yeah, I suppose that would be rather embarrassing, wouldn’t it?” She laughs and unbuckles her seatbelt. “Max, we’re here.” She turns around in her seat and shakes her youngest child awake.

Max wakes up in such a pure and slow way that Alec gets a little choked up about how much he is going to miss his younger brother. Max is rocking some serious bedhead from the way that he was laying against Alec’s luggage. One side of his short black hair is pressed flat against his head while the other side is layered with fluffy frizz. He blinks up at Alec with wide and confused blue eyes. “Already here?” He mumbles out a question while adjusting his glasses. Aside from Izzy—bad eyesight affects the entire Lightwood family.

Alec climbs out of the car and moves around to open the door for Max. “We’re here, kiddo.” He picks Max up lightly in his arms. “Stretch your legs and give me a hug goodbye.” Alec instructs, putting Max down onto his feet. His younger brother lunges forward and tightly embraces him.

“Promise me that you’ll still play video games with me!”

Alec softens his smile. “I promise.”

Izzy approaches the two with Alec’s luggage in tow. She leans the bags against the back tire and joins in on the hug. Max gets fed up with the hug first—yelling something about _sister cooties_ before pulling back. He tries to be mad but he can’t stop giggling. “I guess there’s no turning back from this. You’re really leaving us.” Izzy clears her throat and punches Alec lightly in the arm.

With a pull, Izzy lifts the handle on his bag so Alec can easily drag it across the sidewalk. She extends the handle towards him. “Knock ‘em dead.”

Alec grabs the bag from her with a small but nervous smile. He’s stressed and now the anxiety of saying goodbye to everyone who is close to him for a long period of time is starting to get to him. “Will do, Iz.” He clears his throat and takes the first step towards the dorms.

There’s no turning back now. He can’t take a step backwards to spend more time being sentimental. He absently waves farewell to his family and quickens his pace to get inside—and _away_ from the prying eyes of his fellow dormmates. _Okay._ He exhales sharply as he quickly taps his dorm key card against the front door’s lock. It lets out a light and friendly beep as a go-ahead signal to him. _I_ hate _this._

There’s another door inside of the dorm that forms a small box lobby with windows from the floor to the ceiling on every wall. It’s uncomfortably hot and Alec feels his anxiety growing. The people outside of the small glass box looked in his general direction for all of a few seconds but for Alec it feels like an eternity.

Holding his breath, he yanks open the main door and sprints inside. The main hall of the Accord’s dorm is on the first floor that can be seen clearly up the five steps from the main door. There’s about ten people in the common room—two of which look up at him and give a friendly wave which he returns shyly with his gaze laser focused on the closest tile to him. There’s some paint on its furthest corner.

 _Gotta find Jace!_ He’s panicking. A _lot._

Maybe the stress wasn’t getting to him earlier, but it surely is now. He spies his escape route. Thankfully, his room is in the basement. He lets out a relieved sigh because he won’t have to talk to anyone in the common room due to the layout of the dorm building. From the front door, there are only two staircases—one leading to the basement and the other leads up to the common room and other further staircases.

The basement floor is sticky with what Alec hopes is just beer, but he’s fairly certain from the smell that it’s something more than that. He makes a mental note to never go outside of his dorm without shoes on before the janitors come by to clean. The feeling that is coming through his shoe every time his foot is pulled away from the floor is one he’d rather not experience without a layer keeping him from touching it.

When Alec finally finds his dorm room, he can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. He uses his key card on the door and pulls it open lightly. Jace was supposed to arrive yesterday, so it doesn’t surprise Alec when he spots the fully made bed and already hung posters.

Alec leans his bag against the closed bathroom door and tosses his bedding down onto the cot that comes with his dorm. It’s made of stiff wood and a thin foam mattress that sinks to the wood when he puts any pressure onto it. Alec is thankful that he remembered to pack a small memory foam pad. He places it atop the mattress and presses his weight into it. “Much better” He mumbles with a smirk to no one.

The shower that had previously been turned on stops running. Alec faintly hears this but pays it no mind. He unpacks a few books onto his desk and begins lining a small shelf on the surface. He hears the bathroom door unlock behind him. “Hey Jace, I brought that book you lent me a while ago.”

Alec turns around and spies a man with rather funky hair eyeing him up. His hair is a dark shade with streaks of every colour in random bursts throughout, looking like a firework caught in a photograph. Despite the copious amounts of water keeping his hair stuck to his forehead, Alec can clearly tell that his hair is rather spiky and almost fluffy naturally. His olive skin tone and narrow facial features lead Alec to believe that he is of Asian descent.

Maybe it’s due to the water, but his skin almost seems to be glowing gold or…no way. Is that _glitter?_ He looks like a _Coachella_ accident.

It’s his eyes that really catch Alec’s attention though. His eyes seem to glow with a bright cat-like shade of gold that _shouldn’t_ be possible but—seeing as Alec has only looked around 10 people in the eyes in the past few years—he’s not entirely sure. His eyes are opened in a wide confusion as he gives Alec a slow once-over. There’s a second where he’s so frozen in shock at the half naked man standing in what he assumed to be his and Jace’s dorm that he doesn’t react.

But then the embarrassment sets in.

The anxiety of being stared at mixes with how flustered he’s feeling over this entire situation and his face turns quite a lovely shade of crimson. He can feel his heart accelerate as fight or flight instincts kick in. “This is the wrong room!” He suddenly shouts, sprinting out of the dorm with his book pressed to his chest and his eyes glued to the floor.

Magnus watches in shock at what he assumes to be his roommate sprinting out of their dorm. The blush on his angular cheeks makes Magnus’s heart thump loudly in his chest once. He only sees his roommate’s facial expression and the way that his dark blue eyes are wild with fear for a second before he bumps into his shoulder on the way out of the room.

Returning to his senses, Magnus wraps his towel tighter around his waist and takes off after him. “Hey, wait!” A few people that Magnus had partied with the night prior whistle at him as he passes by. He waves at them subtly and continues chase after Alec.

For such a small and nerdy looking boy, he can sure run fast.

Thankfully for Magnus, he’s faster though. He catches Alec’s wrist before he can reach the end of the hallway. Alec feels so flustered from all the attention he’s receiving due to the prying eyes of his dormmates that tears begin to well up in his eyes. _This_ was the worst possible outcome of his first day—walking into the wrong room and starting to unpack. He doesn’t understand how his key worked, but maybe he received the wrong room key or maybe the rooms were switched without him knowing. Either way, he wants this day to be over already. He struggles with Magnus for a moment before stopping entirely. “Alexander, correct?”

Alec stiffens at his name being called. He looks back in confusion, avoiding looking at the man in the towel. In a situation like this, it would be appropriate to look someone in the eyes when speaking to them. Alec however darts his eyes around, unsure where to stare. He settles for the floor. “Yes?”

Magnus exhales a light laugh and releases Alec’s arm. He extends his hand to him with a smile. “There was a mix up with our roommates,” He patiently explains to the confused boy. It would be normal to be visibly upset in this situation. Though he didn’t necessarily make the greatest first impression. Thankfully, there’s always a chance for a second impression. Or at least that’s how Magnus sees it. “My name is Magnus Bane. We’ll be roommates for the first semester of this year—or until they fix the situation.” Alec looks up at him for a second before darting his eyes away again. The assumed shyness is oddly endearing to Magnus. “I’m really sorry that we met like _this_. Maybe we can start again?”

Alec closes his eyes and exhales sharply. He wants this situation to be over with already. He doesn’t fully understand what is going on, but right now he just wants everyone to stop staring at him before he collapses. He looks around for a moment and notices something odd. People aren’t staring at him. They’re all laughing and looking at _Magnus._

For some reason—probably the fact that he’s only half clothed and completely _covered_ in glitter—Magnus is serving as a filter for people’s attention. With someone as bright as Magnus, no one seems to care much about the lanky boy he’s extending his hand to. Maybe being roommates with Magnus won’t be so bad after all. 

Alec takes a breath and reluctantly nods his head. “Okay.” He manages.

If somehow Magnus can keep attention off of him, Alec is willing more than willing to be him roommate. “Truce?” He snaps back to attention and blinks at Magnus.

Alec stares at Magnus’s outstretched hand. People are starting to notice him standing next to Magnus. He averts his eyes back to the floor. “Truce,” He agrees. “But can you please put on some clothes?”

The towel around Magnus’s waist is dangerously close to slipping off. Many of the bystanders are watching in anticipation for what will happen next. Magnus gives them a half smirk and adjusts his towel properly. “That would be smart. Thank you, Alexander.”

“Alec is just fine,” He corrects, shaking Magnus’s hand finally. He points to the door to _their_ room. “That’s what everyone else calls me.” Magnus shrugs and leads the way back, Alec following close behind in his shadow.

Magnus nods thoughtfully. He holds his towel with one hand and opens the cracked door for Alec with the other hand. “Fine you are, Alexander.” He mumbles low enough that Alec can’t quite hear him over the squeak of the door. Alec tilts his head thoughtfully in Magnus’s direction but the latter merely waves his hand through the door for Alec. He waits patiently for Alec to be almost through the now open door before opting to check him out. He gives Alec an once-over, grinning to himself. “Fine indeed.”

 

The next day, Alec finally meets up with Jace on the way to class. The two of them get lost on the way to their sociology class, ending up in the wrong wing of the school. It’s not exactly their fault that their teacher, Hodge Starkweather, moved the classrooms to another building earlier that morning without giving them any notice other than a note left on the classroom door.

Alec considered going back to bed but decides against it almost immediately.

It does end up giving the two boys a much needed chance to talk though, so Alec isn’t one to complain. There’s little communication between them at first—just the light tapping of their shoes against the recently waxed floors. Thankfully there’d been no rain in Idris lately, so there wasn’t any jarring squeaking in the otherwise quiet hallway.

Pushing open the exit, Jace Herondale holds the door for his best friend. “I’m sorry about the roommate situation,” he apologizes finally. Alec meets his eyes with a small smile. Jace is one of the only people that he can actually look at with full attention. Despite his weird tendencies, Alec isn’t judged by Jace. They’ve known each other since childhood and when Alec was being bullied, Jace was always there for him to keep him grounded. He’s basically family. “It’s only for the semester though.”

Alec gives him a knowing nod and smiles. “It’s not like you planned it to happen. Right?” He jokes, giving Jace a light push as he strides through the held door. “So what’s your roommate like?” He asks, adjusting his books in his hands. Alec had never been good at idle chitchat but it was Jace, so he was willing to give it a try.

It was a question that he thought he was prepared for an answer to. “Fray is infuriating and gets on my nerves a lot.” He thinks for a minute, an expression that Alec hadn’t seen on his best friend’s face in a little over a year was on his features proudly. Jace tries to hide it by running his hand down his face, but fails. “She’s kinda hot.” He explains.

Alec wasn’t ready for _that._

“She?!” He chokes, coughing into his chest while furiously staring at the ground. After a moment, he turns to glare at Jace. The latter is grinning at him widely, proud of his word choice. Jace had a look on his face that Alec hadn’t seen in years. It was one that made his eyes glitter like melted gold in the sun. The grin on his face highlights the chipped canine tooth that is especially long and sharp looking in his mouth. Alec blinked at him, envying the way that Jace can look that way without thinking. “No. _No!_ You _can’t_ date your roommate!”

Jace runs his hand through his honey waves of hair. It’s always moments like this that Alec is always reminded of how different the two boys are. Alec liked the evening and reading books by moonlight. Due to this, his sister would always refer to him as a child of the moon. If Alec Lightwood was the moon, Jace Herondale was the sun in comparison. While Alec has a peachy skin tone that pales in almost every season, Jace has a warm golden beige that causes him to exude warmth from his every pore. This warmth is usually what draws girls to Jace. Or at least that’s Alec theory.

Alec was always slightly jealous of the way that warmth seemed to come from Jace, while only a frigid air seemed to come off of the former. He would never admit that he was envious of Jace, but he doesn’t ever let it show.

God forbid Jace Herondale’s ego get _any_ larger.

Jace shrugs at him. “What will be, will be.” He answers in a vague way that makes no promise. Jace was the type to always commit to a promise and never break it, they both were. The thing about Jace though is that he has an uncanny ability to find loopholes in every promise he has to make. It’s both a vice _and_ a virtue. “So what about your roommate though?” He asks with genuine inquiry to his voice. “What’s he like?”

Alec thinks about Magnus for the first time since he really moved in. For the most part, Magnus isn’t around. “Jury’s out on that one.” Alec hums thoughtfully.

Jace laughs at that. It’s rare for Alec to not immediately say that newly met people are the worst or they make him nervous. Jace notes that maybe Magnus is a force to be reckoned with. He plans on keeping an eye on Magnus for Alec, though he doesn’t say this out loud of course.

“Found it.” Alec points to the towering building closest to them. “Let’s get a move on before professor Starkweather kills us both.”

Hodge Starkweather is a rather terrifying man as the two quickly learn.

The moment they walk into class, everyone’s attention turns to the loud slam of the door closing behind them. Alec’s breath hitches in his throat when many eyes fall onto him at once. A wave of nausea rolls over him, only being cut off when Jace grabs him reassuringly. Alec takes a deep breath and quickly searches for a place to sit.

There’s a few seats in the center of the classroom that are left empty. _Not ideal, but it’ll work._ Alec notes with a head gesture to Jace. The latter nods and they carefully move through the rows of seats to find their seats.

Moments before they’re seated, Starkweather looks up from his computer that he’d been fiddling with prior. “A pleasure that you boys could join us.” The professor watches them with hawk-like intensity behind a pair of thin square rimmed glasses that rest gently on his beak of a nose. He glares at them with stormy grey eyes. He’s rather youthful looking. The only sign of his age is the streaks of silver through his slicked black hair. “Attendance matters towards your final mark. Names?”

Jace speaks up for the both of them. “I’m Jace. Herondale. This one is Alec Lightwood.” They both take their seats. Professor Starkweather edits their attendance on his computer and puts the PowerPoint into full screen. “We had some trouble finding the classroom.”

Starkweather fiddles with his remote for the projector in front of all of the students before beginning the class lecture. He barks for an hour about the history to sociology while first year students frantically take notes of what they think is important.

Alec glares down at his paper. At a certain point he simply stopped writing. In a standard font size, Alec has written Professor Starkweather’s words. “As a society, the most important word we can use is not _please_ or _thank you,_ but rather _why._ After years of studying, I’ve realized that the most important thing we can do as a society is question why we act the way we do.” Alec thinks at this, writing different examples of what the Professor had said. He glares at one sentence in particular.

_Why do we fear being gay/why do we fear coming out to those we love?_

Alec taps his pencil against his notebook. He’s no longer listening to his professor’s lecture. He’d never given it thought before, because Alec was certain he _wasn’t_ gay. He had always thought that girls were pretty. Even though he’d never really felt attraction to any girl, he’d never felt it towards any _guy_ either. He’s not scared of being gay. And he’s definitely _not_ gay.

“You’re zoning out.” Jace mumbles low, close to Alec’s ear. Alec’s face flushes suddenly as his stomach drops and his breath hitches. He glares at Jace and pushes him away. The laugh that bubbles out of Jace’s throat is one that causes Alec’s heart to race suddenly. No. _No!_

There’s no way that Alec is falling for his best friend. He wonders if that is the right word to use— _falling for­_. How long has he felt this way about Jace? He doesn’t even want to think about it. Maybe that’s why he’s feeling so sick, he never _wanted_ to think about it. He blames Professor Starkweather’s lesson for making him question everything he ever thought he knew about himself.

**Author's Note:**

> After a long break, this is what I've decided to return with. I'm not setting deadlines for this one, because I remember what happened last time. The story will be 5-6 chapters in it's entirety if I don't do a sequel. I might. The night is still young.   
> Thank you all for reading and supporting my words and my works. It truly means the world to me. If you're interested in following the developments of A Window to the Soul, please consider following my tumblr; http://placefantasy.tumblr.com/


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